28.12.12

that wanderlust






this fall semester has been rough-

I've lived in my grandmother and grandfather's house since school ended this past May. Soon after, my grandmother was given three months to live after being in remission from her endometrial cancer for years- and my grandfather had passed in May 2011.

Abuelita went to heaven in September. Slowly, my aunts and uncles and cousins and family friends packed up their belongings and headed to their homes to continue their lives. I continued to live at my grandparents'.

I have been doing research on seafood for the USDA these past months, which took up much of my time and energy that could have been used to prevent or help my 66.7% in Organic Chemistry, spend time with my new baby niece and other family, or work at a job that actually paid.

I would come home from a difficult school/research day, and I walked through these halls of this house my grandparents designed, and it's filled with their things that hold so many memories. Memories of them that I don't even warrant, they come easily and naturally and quickly. The green candy dish Abuelita had always filled for her grandbabies, Papi's insulin box still yet in the fridge, a red label that reads, "Outside" above the light switch.

A large gray mug pronouncing, "Carilion", notes on the calendar- "don't forget Hospice is coming by at 9:30 a.m.!", a cabinet opened in a flurried moment of searching for egg beaters and finding the neat stack of medicines after medicines after medicines.

Every day I returned from school to a house that is no longer a home. A place once filled with love, and vibrancy, and joy, was now a building of sparse furniture and a coldness one can really only feel. While others lived here too, we did not seek comfort in each other. They only served a purpose that made me feel unloved and unwanted, but most (and worst) of all alone.

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At the CN Tower in Toronto right before fall semester began, a beautiful trip made with some good people.


I am a person that would rather listen than talk, and I love to paint, bake (mhmm that's what's up), read, watch The Office, and travel… especially travel. This is why I am studying abroad. Not so much the literal travelling, but the adventure that comes along with it- I am completely in love with new adventures. They make me feel brand new, creating a (usually nonexistent) self-assured, carefree, blissfully happy aura that surrounds me at each moment.

When I made my decision to attend Tech over all other schools (I wanted to go to University of California in Davis), it was because of family. My Abuelita lived three miles from the school and my parents and sister a mere twenty (plus, you can't beat the ease of moving that it entailed!). The closeness of family and love my grandparents instilled in their children and later their grandchildren is immense. I knew I could later branch out and see what this world has to offer, but I realized this was where I was needed and going to be.

But, it's time now. To experience the vibrancy and life and beauty that side of the world can offer. My excitement is huge: the cure for my lackluster life is a pure beginning of wanderlust- and I am ready and waiting.



(Photo of me by Jessica Ross)

4 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post. I'm sorry for your sorrows and wish you the best in your future and travels!

    XO,
    Catherine
    FEST (food, style, travel)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! You too, and I love your blog!

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